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On hold.
I was told to disappear. As far as continuing the love dare’s with her… I can’t until we start talking again. But I will read up on them everyday. I’m gonna change regardless. I have already.
Day 7 Love believes the Best
Day 6 was so powerful for me, I wasn’t ready to move on. I kept re-reading it, looking up scriptures, and praying and meditating. I was getting a pretty good understanding of the problem, but was unsure of how to go about solving it. I need to rid myself of selfish desires and inappropriate lust, and especially rid myself of resentment of my wife for not giving me everything I feel I am entitled to.
Then I had an amazing thought: (sarcasm intended) read the next chapter in the Love Dare. I read Day 7 and the wisdom of the book never ceases to amaze me. Although not a 100% quick fix solution, I realized that spending time in the Depreciation Room intensifies the frustration, anger and bitterness. If I continue to spend time in the Depreciation Room I will never be able to rid myself of bitterness and anger and replace it with pure love for my wife.
I must choose to spend time in the Appreciation Room. I have made feeble attempts at this since the first time I went through the book a year ago. But it has been an intermittent effort to appreciate. I have not made a concerted effort to STAY OUT OF THE DEPRECIATION ROOM!!! I now COMMIT to avoiding dwelling on negative things about my wife. I have somewhat contemplated divorce as an acceptable option until this week. Wednesday I went to consult with an attorney about my ‘rights’ considering that I am being kept out of my house for no legal reason. I quickly found out I have no rights, to my house, to my property, or to my family. All my wife has to say is that she and my daughter do not feel safe with me in the house and a judge will grant whatever restraining order she wants (as part of filing for divorce, which is what will happen if I push the issue.)
I have been spending time in the Depreciation Room, dwelling on all the negative things, as I contemplated divorce. I must really cease and desist; I must put out all negative thoughts. I must dwell on the positive aspects. I must look for and focus on the positive.
Also: I was reading in Galatians 5: 13-15 this morning, ‘serve one another in love’. I must focus on wanting what my wife wants. Make her preferences my preferences. Do what she wants me to do, because that is what she wants and believes is best for the family. I must totally put aside any of my own wants or preferences.
My desire is to love my wife with a pure unconditional love. I don’t think I have ever done this; I always had expectations (strings attached). I am praying to know God’s love, and to be a reflection of that love to my wife. I am praying that she will see this in me & feel this from me. I am praying that I will be able to grow in this area, and never go back.
Thanks to all who are praying for us.
Bob
Love Dare #31 Love and Marriage
When a man marries he is to start a new chapter of his life. A life as a independent leader. A life built on unity between God and him and his bride and him. As dare 31 indicates this is a very hard thing to achieve. Both parts. To often I have leaned on my own experience rather then ask God for his help. To often I have looked for advice in areas that were more prone to create disunity then unity. The best intentions when it comes to advice will always have a slice of selfishness included. This appears to be a human flaw. God is the only one who offers free advice without built in for me hidden lines.
I have come to appreciate what these last few dares really mean when it comes to my relationship with the love of my life. I have prayed and talked to my love and have redefined in my heart that our unity is more important then any other earthly relationship. I will be praying that the Lord will help me direct my conversations so that I respect Tonie’s and Glen’s unity. So often I feel that the unity has been torn by people with true concern. The unity issue is not that of others, It is not their responsibility to guard it, it is mine. I need to work on some things in my life and the openness that I have demonstrated in the past will need to change. The love of my life deserves better then a husband who is scared to talk to her but can speak to others. I have resolved in my heart that she will be the one that I discuss my issues with. I love her and am working on listening to her. Why should she not be the author of serious advice in my life as well.
Today has been a troubling day. I found out that I had misled my love in that I had not explained myself very clear in the past regarding somethings. There are things that I use to like to do that I often did by myself that I no longer take pleasure in if I do not have company. The nature of the company is very important. I once used a example of how that being alone could be so public. I had said that I could go with all the friends in that i know and if that one person was not there I would only have fun for a very limited time. This is something that has changed in me from when I was younger. Now I can go have fun but not like back then. I would rather share my moments of joy with someone particular. I will use fishing as a example I love to fish, but I hate to fish by myself. When I say by myself I mean when I go fishing I like to be excited for someone else. There is a special someone that I enjoy watching catch the big one more then me. I have lost enough big fish and spun enough fish stories that I now enjoy watching someone else. I like to catch fish don’t get be wrong, but the look in the love of my life’s eyes or my boys when they catch one or fight one for a while that is truly inspiring to my heart.
Well the love of my life who has told me today in her own way that the trip I was planning for her and I really doesn’t matter that much to her. At least that is the way I took it. Tonie indicated that I should use the money I am saving for our trip to buy something I have wanted instead. I am hurt that we matter so little. I would never even consider doing that. I will however play it by ear and if I continue to pick up this vibe I will just give her the money and she can spend it as she feels fit. I really do not wish to make her unhappy and if this trip that I planned is a source of her discomfort then we can do it some other year. I will pray about all these things and I know that God will direct my path. So many issues that I have regarding communication I really need to figure out how to talk to the love of my life again.
Well I will leave things right there and once again as so often there will be no reason to win the day, Just more reasons to pray, listen, read, and really think about think how statements are taken before I speak.
May God bless are people who dare to take the Dare. I will be praying for you all.
Bruno
Dare: Day 16
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
I started this dare yesterday and humbly admit that i gave a half-hearted effort. Today (not sure if this is God-breathed or not), was a scary, turbulent morning that has forced me to my knees in fervent prayer.
These three things i pray from the depths of my heart:
1] Lord, i pray for my husband’s heart. Please help him to push aside satan’s lies so that he might grab hold of, and celebrate the Christ-Joy that you have already blessed him with years ago, but that he can no longer tap into. He is a good man and i know he loves you, but pride and self pitty have come and his Christian “talk” and his Christian “walk” are severely misalligned and are undermining his witness for you.
2] Lord, give this man the wisdom to separate your truths from the reality of circumstances. Help him to see that no matter how big and pointy the boulders that keep crashing in on our family are, that your grace IS simply, and wonderfully enough. Bless him with a peace that passes all understanding.
3] Father God, PLEASE, with a gentle hand of GRACE, lift the dark veil of depression and denial so that he can get a clear, simple glimpse at some of the ways he is crushing his wife and children and opposing your will. The magnitude of this is much too great for him to see it all at once Lord, and i now know that these truths can not come from me, but only from you, in your perfect timing. In complete faith in you God, I rest this at your feet and know it will be done. Please God, hold him through this.
Amen.
Failure?
I started this back in May. I went through a few days, then ground to a halt when it came time to actually do something that involved talking to my wife. Now it’s November, we’re worse off than before, and I’m thinking it may be time to go at it again. Right now, it seems like she is planning on divorce before the end of the year. Her heart is very hard toward me and I don’t think she’s interested in letting anything thaw it out. I can’t believe we’ve gotten to this point.
Back in May, Day 1 was easy. I am a conflict-avoider and so is she. Now that it’s November, we’re just spouse-avoiders. We don’t talk more than is necessary to coordinate our schedules. If we try to make decisions together or resolve a long-standing dispute, we very quickly move to anger. To shy away from saying anything angry sounds like it will be easy: just stay clear of each other. But I don’t think that’s going to help. Or, I could just back down in my convictions: but that’s part of the reason that we are where we are. What a tangled and confusing mess this is!
Day 8: Love is Not Jealous
I’ve often wondered how God could be a jealous God. Jealousy didn’t seem to fit into the character of God. When I was reading the dare for Day 8, I got a better understanding of what it meant for God to be jealous. Reading from day 8 “Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his heart away and replaces you with someone else.” God is not “envious of us” but “He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love.” This makes more sense to me. God created us to worship Him. To fellowship with Him. His desire is for us. When we turn our back on Him we are denying the very reason for our existence. And for that, God becomes jealous of whatever we spend our time and energy focusing on.
I haven’t ever really thought about being jealous of my husband. I really don’t think I ever have been. It’s not something that I really struggle with in my life. However, I can concentrate more on acknowledging his successes and encouraging him toward future success. The greatest success that I can see at this point in our lives is the fact that he has been at the same job for over 25 years. For that I am grateful to him.
There is a beautiful worship song about how much God loves us. If you get some time to be alone, spend it worshipping God and listening to this song.
Kim Walker/Jesus Culture “How He Loves Us”
Great and Glorious God, I love you. Your magnificence is beyond comparison. Your glory defies description. Your love for me knows no bounds and cannot be measured. I am in awe of the grace which you have given to me and cannot begin to adequately express my love for you. I thank you for what you have done in my life and I pray that you will continue to mold me into your image. Thank you for being jealous of me and and desiring me to be your own. Where would I be without Your love. I fall on my face before you and I know that I have been in your presence. I will never be the same. Amen.
Love Dare #30 Love Brings Unity
This dare seems to colide with dare #28. I have prayed about it many times as well as God keeps brining it to the forfront of things that I need to adress as a matter of a barrier in our marriage. Last night I once again took it to the lord in prayer. I after praying and searching for Gods answers took it to my best friend. I prayed with Tonie first. I prayed that God would give the words to speak. I also prayed that I could be selfless in my search for help in the answers.
Tonie heard me out I tried to set it so she could see where both of were in this situtation. Tonie could see where we are but really had no ability to help me. I offered some suggestions. Tonie thinks that due to all that has happened regarding the details of the whole matter, that it would be best if we were to move foward and work on our unity from this place foward. I got from Tonie that going into the past may not hold any solutions and could very well make a bad deal even worse. I am content that the advise she gave me is well founded and that she is right. I can however make some very distinct changes in regards to the unity that the love of my life feels from me from this point foward.
These dares are getting harder and harder. Each new dare bumps my level of dependence on God up another notch. I enjoy the challenge, many times I find that I have failed so terribly in the past that it seems like I am just starting to know the love of my life in so many ways.
Well our supper is done so I have to go . No review just straight up tonight.
Once again no reason to win the day, Just more reaons to pray, listen, play. Please pray for Tonie and Glen as we forge our new future. Pray that God will direct our paths in regards to a very big decision.
For all those who dare I will be praying for you.
Bruno
Jenn Dares….. To Continue
I haven’t been around here lately…. taken a bit of a break and let Jesus take the wheel on this one. The road has been rough…..but I am trying to learn to trust R again.
I started back to work yesterday, which did not go well. I can’t stand my job, no, I can’t stand my boss. I hate being treated like I am incompetent of doing my job when I have more training and education than my boss does. She hasn’t done anything correctly for the program since I have been gone. She is going to have a very rude awakening now that I am back.
On the home front, things are going better. I haven’t picked the Love Dare back up, and rather have just been doing things my own way, and it really hasn’t backfired on me yet. I am still not at the point where I can forgive R for what he did, but I feel that I am closer.
To those of you that have been here for me, thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement. I have been horrible at checking my emails, but I know that you are there for me, and I thank you for it. I want you to know that things are going better, and I think the bumps in the road are getting smoother.
Peace be with you all,
~Jenn Dares
Todays Verse 07/31/09
July 31, 2009
VERSE:
In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to
shame; deliver me in your righteousness.
– Psalm 31:1
THOUGHT:
When all the clutter is stripped away, what is your real hope?
When you push aside the diplomas, awards, accolades, and honors,
what is the basis of your significance? Only One endures forever!
Only God guarantees that our life is significant. Only our Savior
can provide for us a place where our valuables won’t decay and
aren’t stolen and won’t rot. So let’s not place our treasures or
our hopes in anyone but the LORD.
PRAYER:
O LORD, God and Redeemer of our Fathers, Keeper of your many
promises, thank you for allowing me to place my hope, my future,
and my significance in your hands. Give me the courage and the
confidence to know that you will not let me be put to shame, but
that you will share with me your righteousness on that day I stand
in your presence. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Daily Wisdom 07/31/09
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you
compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all
who wait for him!
Isaiah 30:18, New International Version
Daily Inspiration 07/30/09
The more of God’s love that you share, the more you receive. Lord, help me
to be compassionate when someone needs an ear and encouraging when someone
needs a little support.
With our blessings come responsibilities. Much is required of those to whom
much has been given. Lord, may I use my blessings to be a blessing to
others.
Todays Verse 07/30/09
July 30, 2009
VERSE:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way
you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use,
it will be measured to you.”
– Matthew 7:1
THOUGHT:
Are you judgmental? Do you assume you can judge the intent of
another person’s heart? Are you critical and negative about the
actions of others? Jesus wants us all to realize that we cannot
know the motivations of someone’s heart. When we are unfairly harsh
or bitingly critical in our judgment of others, we are setting the
standard by which God will judge us. I don’t know about you, but
I’m not willing to exchange God’s grace for my unreasonable
harshness. I’m going to work harder at viewing others with mercy
and grace.
PRAYER:
Dear God, please forgive me for being unfairly harsh and
critical in my assessment of others. Thank you for being so rich
and free with your mercy and grace lavished on me in Jesus. Please
help me to be more gracious and merciful in the way I assess the
intent and motivation of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ
and of non-Christians as well. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Daily Wisdom 07/30/09
He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases
fantasies lacks judgment.
Proverbs 12:11, New International Version
living…
Why is it that times of joy are often followed by times that begin to feel like sorrow?
Because of some events that happened over the weekend and the fact that I expressed to Stacey that I felt like I was the only one trying to make this work, she felt compelled to give me a hug and tell me that she appreciates everything that I have been doing. (wow, long sentence…) This made me feel some love coming from her to me. Two of my love languages in one shot.
After some adjustments, physical and mental, I have been sleeping back in our bed for the last two nights. It still feels a little weird and yet feels very right. I’m sure that we will need further adjustments and time before this starts to feel more comfortable. I keep reminding myself that this is a major step and I need to take time and baby steps for a while, to ensure that we don’t slip back.
This morning, I attempted a hug of my own. Stacey did receive and return the hug, but it felt to me as if she thought it was an inconvenience. Maybe it was the stress of the morning that she was expressing. I’ll try not to over analyze and consider the fact that it was still a hug.
I thank God everyday, for allowing me to express my love and more importantly HIS love for Stacey. I am still praying daily for Stacey by name and spending time with God’s word, as I wait for dare 16 to “feel” completed. This weekend is Stacey’s birthday, it has endless opportunities for me to express love. It also has numerous possibilities for me to screw it up.
Love dare # 29 Love’s Motivation
I have read this Dare like five times. This dare speaks to me regarding how I live my life. As the bible says when you grow up to act as a grown up. To think as adult. With my relationship with God I need to remember that just because I have freedom of will does not mean that I should always act on what I think is the way to go. There are so many times that I have just ignored the voice that tells me that God is watching. How many times have I checked God with my shoes and just went ahead and did my own thing regardless of the fact that I know God had to be left behind.
As for the Dare this part was really easy. I have been telling my love that I love her as well as praying for her by name. I know that God is working there. I will keep praying for God to help Tonie with all her struggles. What of the tangible way? I have shown my love through just about every aspect of our lives. I have even stepped out with the sacrifice dare and am going to stretch my neck across the chopping block. I think I have covered that one many times over.
I went to marriage counselling last night. I went alone. Tonie prefers not to go, that is fine she will deal with the issues with God first. I had a very good session. My counselor which I will call “R” brought some very important issues to the table. Issues that I knew were there. These issues are tough to deal with. I was sent home with some homework. Something to feel out. We nailed down some things about drinking and I did not have long to think about it. Seems that the love of my life stayed latter at our friends place and had a few drinks. Tonie has told me that when I drink whiskey if I do not quit after about 2 I become someone that she doesn’t care for. Well the same applies for her. Tonie called me on my way home and wanted to know how every thing went. I talked about some of our talk. Tonie was at home and was slurring something terrible. I told her I thought that she was drunk and that made her very defensive. Tonie headed down a road that I need to explore with her at a deeper level, but not when she has been drinking. Tonie slipped back into the past and began talking about when her dad died and how the whole year that he passed away was so terrible. Tonie told me that the way she saw things in her condition last night I took three people from her life that year. I took her dad, I took her brother, and I took myself away. I understand the latter two. I do not get the first one. For that reason I refused to talk about it. When the love of my life is sober I will be investigating what ever she meant by that remark. I tried to be very supportive and loving and caring during that tough time.
So what started out as a good evening turned into the love of my life completely shutting me out. Around 2:30 this morning the drinks wore off and she cuddled with me. I wish just like she has told that I could record her when she is in the state of mind she would more then likely never want to see herself like that sober. Tonie and I had a good starter talk about drinking this morning and we set down some broad guidelines for her and I to live by for the wellbeing of our relationship. Only the future will show how those work. I will be looking for a God given opening to work on what R asked to do. I feel that it could change t of things for the positive.
I guess I will move on to dare # 30 while still working on all the dares I struggle with as well as keeping my eye and soul very close to Dare # 28. Once again no reason to win the day, Just more reasons, and issues of which to pray. Please pray for Tonie and Glen as we struggle to keep Satan at bay while we work on building a God fence. If we put God first he will fight for us. We must get to the point where he is out in front instead of along side or behind us.
bruno
Dare: Day 15
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Knowing that my husband has a low self-worth and is angry and very unhappy in his job, i chose to show him honor and respect with an uplifting email in the busyness of our day. I first, after the Lord opened my eyes to something i had done that was selfish, genuinely apologized for putting myself first. i had not even seen this AT ALL until i opened my heart. I think this is what it must be like for him most of the time… his heart is so closed that he doesn’t even realize how he treats me and the children behind closed doors. This not only helped me to realize where i needed to ask for forgiveness, but it also has blessed me with compassion. something i think i run short of on most days.
I then wrote to him “…i was thinking about your drumming with the worship team. It makes me so super proud that you are doing that. what a blessing that the Lord has given you an opportunity to use one of your many gifts to honor him and impact the worship time for so many others. And i bet you inspire a handful of young people that you don’t even realize!!”
His response to the apology was thoughtful and it was well-received. The drumming ministry complement?… not so much. Very negative and doom-gloom about being “the old guy” and not inspiring anyone. This makes me sad because he is unable to celebrate God’s blessings on him. I try to intercede through prayer, and find myself apologizing to the Lord for his behavior. I wonder, is this an honorable thing to do? Or is it being manipulative and protective? …not like the Lord doesn’t know what’s going on anyway! ; )
I have come to a place of resolve. I know that continual negative or non-responses to my efforts to love him unconditionally is NOT a failure to carry out a dare or a failure of being a loving wife. And i will continue to strive to live a joy-filled life despite it so that i may honor my Heavenly Father as well as trying to bless my husband and others. This is my mission field. May the Lord keep me strong.
Love Believes the Best
I did this dare a few days ago. I did find myself lingering more on the good list trying to come up with something to write there. And the bad list was much easier to write. But the more I thought about it the more I realized the good things about my husband that I had overlooked. God brought these to mind and I am going to begin to focus on those in my life.
I am continuing this dare from a little different perspective now. I want to share with you that God’s love has saved my marriage. My husband had a change of heart at the final moment and we are going to work on saving our marriage and committing it to God. What an awesome God we serve. But you need to know that it wasn’t until I changed my heart and was willing to give up everything that God was able to move in my life. I see that was the problem all along. I held onto things even though I was praising God, I was walking in the darkness with bitterness in my heart. I have let go of the past and it no longer has a hold on me. I am a new creation in Christ. I look forward to the rest of my life to see what God has in store for me.
Marvelous Holy God, I stand in awe of all you do. I have given you everything and in turn you have given me the desires of my heart. Thank you for this miracle. I will not hold it lightly but treat it with the honor it deserves. Bless our marriage so that it may bring glory to you always! Amen
Day 16
Day 16: Love intercedes
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
—3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
Bo: Tues: i was so sad last night cause k did not want to talk to me cause she thought i was blaming her and she thought i didn’t want to be with her or talk to her. i called her at work and let her know that i did not feel like that and that i loved her. at like 7am she came over to my house after she got off of work and went home, i was so happy to see her, i love her so much!!!! She was so tired she slept till 5pm! i love k, but it seems like i only get her time late at night to sleep and then when she wakes up to eat, but all the time during the day when she is the most wake and full of life, she gives that time to her friends. i spend the most time with her, but her friends get better quality time it seems like and that makes me feel sad. Todays theme is love intercedes and i pray for k all the time. For the dare i prayed for k, before she left my house to go to a birthday party, the three things that i prayed for was to fix our relationship, to keep k and her family safe, and lastly that God would use me to make k happy.
Day 10 Finished
Day 10: Love is unconditional
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
—Romans 5:8
TODAY’S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
-Today I didn’t wash her car… I didn’t clean the kitchen… I didn’t even buy her flowers.
I believe I demonstrated that I love her and love being her partner by the words that I said.
Thinking of everything she has done for me and our special time spent together really makes me realize how much I really love her… There was question whether or not I was with her because of our son- which is absolute nonsense. Yes we share the most beautiful baby boy ever placed on this planet, but I want to be with my partner because I, I being the key word, WANT to be with my partner. This past weekend really proved to me all over again how much I really love her… Anyways, before I get off track-
I described to her that I want to be with her and that she’s the one for me. I told her that I never want to be with anyone else except her, and it’s true. I feel progress I hope she does too.
Day 11 Tomorrow-
Day 11: Love cherishes
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
—Ephesians 5:28
TODAY’S DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
-It’s funny.. Just a few days ago I did this exact thing, with a smile on, and I didn’t even read ahead on all of the dares.. I guess I really am on the right track. I’ve always done this type of thing though. I feel proud.. It’s hard doing most of these dares due to my distance, but I sure will try my best to think of something to do. See you tomorrow.
Love Dare #28 Love Makes Sacrifices
Love sacrifice? See the need or desire, do the homework and see what is going on. Before anyone can sacrifice they must have a reason to. God offered his son as a sacrifice for our sin. We often make sacrifices and we do it without much forethought. We sacrifice time for money, and money for time all the time. How about the sacrifice for my spouses greatest need.
Last night after reading the dare on sacrifice twice I asked Tonie to think about her needs and our needs and come up with a need that would require a sacrifice on my behalf for her. I was surprised that it only took about one blink of a eye for her to not only have one, but the degree of it crushed me. Tonie looked in my heart and found a spot that God has been working on for sometime and just like that flicked it in my face. Wow it floored me. I knew that there was a issue there and it has been there for years and I have known that this issue would not be a dare that I could snap my fingers and make go away. This is a issue that is a trust issue as well for Tonie. In order for me to make this sacrifice I need to demonstrate that I am working on changing me. It is a multiplex sacrifice and will by completing the sacrifice of myself in this I will also prove to the love of my life that our relationship is the most important on this earth.
I do not know rather me working on this is enough for me to say that it is ok for me to move the next Dare. I have not completed this dare as of yet it will take time. I know that I could easily make things much worse so I will have to pray and tiptoe this dare into being a reality. So far during the love dares I have just put my head down and plowed ahead not worrying about the injuries to myself. This sacrifice I have to get right the first time there is no room for error. If I blow this there will be a lack of confidence in me on behalf of Tonie. I will need a lot of prayer.
I am confident enough in the love I have for Tonie that I believe that I can sacrifice myself for this. The hard part of this task is that in the process I do not sacrifice all of us. I find myself thinking about the dare that dealt with love one another as yourself. I can live without a hand, I can live with out a foot, the problem is that if I do it the wrong way I could bleed to death and in the process make things even worse for my family. I do not know if anyone understands where I am coming from. I never have had a problem with being loyal. I have been compared to a dog in that regard. My problem is segregating loyalty and prioritizing relationships. I know where my loyalties lie, I struggle when it comes to being a man about showing them.
That takes care of discussion regarding love dares. Tonie and I also had a very deep conversation about something that has been kicked around thrown under the bed, table, couch. We have hid it cleaned the bedroom and found it and hid it again. We have been kicking this subject around for over 9 years. This is a subject of desire and love and team work and future. The love of my life and I really want to have a little girl. I know, I know we should just want another child. I really want a little girl, I would except another boy and would love it just as all of our children. I really want a little girl though. I had been interested in adopting but the opportunity came and went and it obviously was not what God wanted at the time.
Tonie and I talked and she even brought our boys into the conversation. Our boys are down with the idea so long as we have a little girl. They want a little girl around. As for if it is a little boy the consensus is that they already have a little brother to beat on. There are so many things for me to think about. I wanted so much to say lets do it. I have so many doubts, concerns. Is this desire resurfaced because we have had a really tough time in our relationship? Is this resurfaced as a way to hold us together? Can the love of my life do this again. I almost lost her during our miscarriage. Our last child was so hard on her. what are the risk of having a health child? Will we feel tied down to school as our older children move on to start their own family’s? Will this child be spoiled rotten? How will the whole parenting thing go. Will Tonie and I be able to share the load or will one of us end up with all the work. How is this done now that I have been fixed. so many questions. I have a hard time getting the love of my life to accept that she needed to see a Dr. about her foot and to even consider having the surgery to eliminate some or all of the pain regarding that issue. How bad would it be for her to try to work carrying another child with her foot problems.
I so want to do this. I think that I show that and yet I have not committed to anything. I told Tonie a few times ago when this conversation came up that I never really was all that concerned about us having another child. Deep down I have always wanted a little girl. Tonie asked why I signed off on getting fixed. My answer remains the same I thought at the time that we were in agreement that we should not have anymore. That by no means ever meant that I did not want another chance to have a little girl. Just a few weeks ago I told Tonie that I never went back and had the sperm count checked. She gave me that look, I told her I was leaving the door open for God to provide as he felt need.
That in a nut shell was the evening we had last night. We decided to pray about it. I pray that if the love of my life is really serious she will pray and search for answers. Not only from God as I am but also from our Dr. We will have to make some serious decisions and they will have to be guided by God.
Well I guess that is all I have for Dare #28 for today I will continue to work on it and pray I am doing it correctly.
Once again no reason to win the day, Just more reasons listen pray, listen, play, maybe even practice (bad bedroom joke) anyway until next time may God bless and please pray for Tonie and Glen. I will continue to pray for all the people who dare to take the dare.
Bruno
Recent Comments on the Journals
by: bob714
Daisy, those are truly loving prayers. I join you in praying for your husband. I feel your pain as you struggle each day in your situation.
I do want to encourage you in your efforts to love your husband as God wants you to love. You are doing a great job! I believe God is smiling on you and pleased with your heart. You are taking this Love Dare thing very seriously and doing a very good job. You are an inspiration to me and others here I’m sure!
Yours in Christ,
Bob
by: daisyseed
Ed—
thanks, that is a good perspective. there is so much we cannot see and know that God has fully under control.
speaking of fighting good fights, may you wear the full armor of Christ this weekend and be a shining knight for your family.
: )
by: edbiggs62
Good for you on realizing that his non-response in no way diminishes your efforts of unconditional love. I know first hand that how difficult it is to assess progress with a negative or nonresponsive spouse, but always keep in mind that it is God that is working on the things that we cannot see.
Keep fighting the good fight
You are continually in my prayers
Ed B.
by: daisyseed
bob-
your wife will some day know what an AWESOME moment this is for the both of you. the fact that you have allowed yourself to be teachable and willingly start to work through understanding the vicious circle of folly is a milestone that is on such a GRAND scale. i encourage you to spend some time in proverbs this month. there is a boatload of God’s directives on folly and wisdom in there! i am praising the Lord with you!!!!
by: bob714
I feel your pain. I have been separated from my wife 6 weeks today. I never thought this could happen. I am in devastating pain. I don’t know what to do.
I am inspired by you. I admire your persistence. I am challenged to live up to the standard you have set. I know it has not been easy for you. I know that you are constantly in excruciating pain.
Whether or not your wife ever responds, you have done right before God. God will honor you. You will receive your reward.
Your brother in Christ,
Bob
by: bruno
I hear in your words that the fight in you is become weak. The desire is there but the wind is gone. I do not know much, I do know that after 19 years I found myself asking who I was married to. I tell you I have been through some very rough times in the past few weeks. I am sure there are more to come. My note or tid-bit I have for you is something that I incorporated into our conversations, when the love of my life and I seemed to be so far apart regarding our love. I would tell her that I loved her and she would reply the same back. Since I have been doing the Love dare I have been fighting an several levels to keep my wife as well as my family together. I became frustrated one evening with the none participation from my love so when she told me she loved me I simply gave her a hug and humbly asked her to prove it by fighting for my heart.
Maybe the love of your life needs something to fight for? The gal in your life sounds like the kind that would fight if she thought that you were willing to stop fighting for her. I am not saying to stop doing the dare. I am saying to pray about how God would have you do your dares yet still be the confident man she first met. The man who could have a great time and show love yet be able to get on with your life and wait for her to come to you. I am not saying this is where you are.
I know that one of the hardest things for me to do during this love dare thing was to not give in totally every time. When my wife was really busy I brought her a pair of earings just because I love her. She made it home before me that evenings and was laying on the couch. She didn’t get off the couch for a kiss she expected me to go to her. I didn’t i decided that I had shown her that I love her and I was going to wait for her to start meeting me half way. It really hurt but it also sent a message that I can’t do this on my own.
I will be praying for you and your love.
bruno
by: soulfuljourney
I can understand the falling apart at the seams….when you find out something you don’t expect to and find out the worst, or finding something that you hope is not true then there is an inner battle like…ahhh he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t want me, what is wrong with me, he does love me this is nothing, he does want me I am being over dramatic, there is nothing wrong with me I am a great person and deserve the best.
by: soulfuljourney
Mens priorities are different than ours. Not that they are more or less important just different. Men “DO” things for us because they love us. He was rearranging boxes because he loves you. Great job for holding your tongue. I started from scratch with your posts….here for you.
by: soulfuljourney
Great job to realize it lasts longer than the 40 days! Wishing you abundance in your love!
by: robinsdare
It’s a sign either way and that’s good, right? Build on that! Praying for you.
Robin’s Hope
by: robinsdare
I wanted to check on you. You haven’t posted. You might be taking a timeout. Prayer’s Up!
Robin’s Hope
by: robinsdare
Just wanted to check on you! Hope you are ok!
Robin’s Hope
by: amyramey
Thank you guys!!
by: pegleg
Fantastic, “Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself” Philippians 2:3
by: pegleg
Very well said Amy! You are constantly in my prayers and God will direct your path. Yes LD is for the rest of your life.
Sonny
by: bob714
Sorry to hear of this devastating development in your family. Hold fast to God. He has gotten you through much and will get you through this.
I do not believe that God ‘punishes’ us but sometimes the result of our sin is very painful. You may have brought sexual sin into your family, but you have taken the appropriate steps to lead them back to God.
This is your chance to model love and forgiveness to your daughter. Just as what you did will never be right, what your daughter did will never be right. But God loves and God forgives, and we try to follow His supreme example. Your wife probably feels betrayed by both her daughter and husband, but if you remain strong and loving and connected to God you can lead her through this.
I will continue to pray for you, your wife, and now your daughter.
In Christ,
Bob
by: bob714
the closeness described in this post is evidence that God is working in your life and has good things in store for you and your marriage. Keep fighting! Keep Loving! Your wife wants to love you forever, she really does.
Bob
by: bob714
Beautiful. Praise God.
Thank you, Amy, for allowing us to be a part of this critical time in your life.
We love you and pray that you will continue to enjoy progress.
You are an inspiration to all of us to continue on when we are ready to throw in the towel.
Bob
by: edbiggs62
Just reading this put a smile on my face. I am so happy that your husband still values time spent with you
If only i could believe that my spouse felt the same way,
Keep on taking baby steps, you’re on the right path.
Ed B.
by: mocae
One last thought… My pastor told me that I should realize that the enemy is not my husband. But it is Satan. Seeing things that way has helped me to forgive my husband for the past and pray for his future. Satan is the enemy and he comes to steal our joy, kill our hope, and destroy our lives. Pray against Satan. Try to love your husband through Christ and pray against Satan’s influence in his life. Remember Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”