Why did you write a book on this topic? Who is this written for?
Why Her was written for any woman who has ever found herself in the midst of a soul-compromising situation because of comparison. Every single word of this book came from my own struggles of looking at everyone around me and feeling like I just would never measure up. But I’m not a big fan of staying put in our struggles; there comes a time to move forward and that’s why I wrote this book. It was time to move forward and stop letting this struggle ruin me. So I went to God’s Word and found two women who could help me do it. Rachel and Leah taught me so much.
Why do you think the question “why her” will resonate with so many women?
It’s the silent question of comparison in our souls. We don’t dare ask it aloud, but internally we ask it almost every day. As we compare our appearance, homes, and everything else, there’s always someone ahead. And we’re always wondering why we seem so far behind. Every form of dissatisfaction in our life most likely stems from some seed of comparison.
How did you come to understand and apply the six truths you list in the book?
As I studied the story of Rachel and Leah, I kept thinking about how they just needed a friend to sit both of them down and speak some truth into them. So as I read their story, I would pause and think, “Ok, what would I say to them now?” There is nothing super profound about these six truths, they are actually quite simple. But applying them, in the midst of comparison, can save a woman from falling into that comparison trap and getting stuck there.
Why do you think comparison is such a prevalent issue in the lives of women today?
Do you think it is more prevalent in today’s world or is it just that we are more aware of it? We are definitely more aware of it because it’s there the second we pop open any of our social media accounts. But what I love about this message is that even though we’re more aware of it now, Rachel and Leah teach us that this is a timeless struggle. One that isn’t ever going to go away.
What would you share with your younger self about comparison? How would you help prepare a younger Nicki for the struggles of comparison?
A lot of time comparison makes us feel the need to do desperate things. But desperate things lead to destructive things. So I would tell my younger self that I can walk through desperate moments without having to become destructive. Because when we apply Truth to our lives, it brings us freedom. And freedom in Christ brings us a focus way beyond our current situation.
In what areas of life do you see women feeling the need to measure up to others? What symptoms should we watch for in ourselves that rise up when we are dealing with comparison?
In the book I talk about two things to watch for: 1. The “must be nice sydrome.” Whenever we start to look at someone’s blessings and think that thought, comparison is close. 2. We have to watch for comparison when we start to chase a “maybe now.” “Maybe now” that I have ___________, I’ll have __________ (that one thing you really want). Constantly entertaining a “maybe now” teaches us to keep chasing all those things we can have when it seems like we can’t ever have that one thing we really want.
How do you hope women are changed after reading Why Her?
I truly hope every woman who reads Why Her is able to have a greater understanding of the story of Rachel and Leah through the lens of comparison. Comparison won’t ever go away but we can use these six truths to combat it. I hope they are able to see this struggle for what it is— something that has the potential to compromise the unique calling and plan God has for their life.
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